‘I’m Deeply Concerned’ About Maine Since Sen. Susan Collins Was Reelected

 

Patrick Stewart wearing a wig from Costco.
Patrick Stewart wearing a wig from Costco.
Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

The tricycle of Senate evil consists of three wheels: Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), Trump’s whipping boy Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) and Susan Collins (R-Maine).

Both Kentucky and South Carolina rejected positive, nonracist change to vote both McConnell and Graham back into office. Both states also voted for Trump. But what’s confusing about Maine, and what makes me “deeply concerned” (Susan Collins voice) is that Maine voted for Biden, and then, as if all of Maine got together to completely tie Biden’s hands behind his back, they reelected arguably the most troubling handmaid and sinister woman to ever troll America with her call-to-conscious bullshit that she pours on during overtly troubling decisions: shaky-voice Susan Collins.

What the fuck, Maine?

No really, what the fuck is that about?

Maine, what the fuck did you do?

It’s bad enough that we will have to deal with McConnell’s inflated turkey neck and Graham’s molestation of Trump’s ass but you really just gave us six more years of Collin’s kitten heel and phony demure bullshit?!

Why do you hate us, Maine?

Why would you give this evil den mother another term?

Why, Maine, why?

Collins will serve her fifth term in Congress. Fifth, the number after four, term in Congress all because they didn’t like the cut of Sara Gideon’s jib. Look, I don’t know what a jib is, and I’m too sleepy to Google it. I know that men have jibs but if women don’t have them then that’s sexist, and I don’t fuck with sexism.

I don’t know a goddamn thing about Gideon, but I know she’s not Susan Collins. In fact, that would’ve been my slogan if I was Gideon: “Vote, Gideon. I’m not Susan Collins!”

Collins was leading Gideon 51 percent to 42 percent with 85 percent of the votes counted when Gideon reportedly called and conceded in what Collins noted was “a very gracious call,” according to the Press Herald. The newspaper also notes that “Collins took to the outdoor stage while Elton John’s ‘I’m Still Standing’ blared over the loudspeakers.”

OMFG! Is anything more white than Susan Collins in a sensible pantsuit walking on stage to Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing”?

Maine, you could’ve stopped this. You could’ve saved America from this. The Senate’s tricycle of evil could’ve been crippled and instead, you’ve emboldened it. I blame Maine for this. For all of this.

I hope you’re fucking happy, Maine.

‘I’m Deeply Concerned’ About Maine Since Sen. Susan Collins Was Reelected ‘I’m Deeply Concerned’ About Maine Since Sen. Susan Collins Was Reelected Reviewed by STATION GOSSIP on 07:47 Rating: 5

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