Hong Kong Appeaser Blizzard Announces New Video Game: ‘We Are Diablo’ [Satire]

Video game company Blizzard Entertainment is trying to win back fan support after it came under fire for banning a gamer who cheered on the Hong Kong freedom fighters.
The company released a statement saying, yes, it was true, it had abandoned every principle of decency and political morality for profit, and yes it had betrayed the cause of liberty in order to bury its fat corporate face in piles of Yuan like a giant hog looking for truffles, and yes, no gamer with even a moderately active conscience would ever consider spending money on one of its products ever again — but never mind all that, they’ll be bringing out a new version of Diablo. So hooray
Diablo IV: This Time We Suck will be released in time for Christmas in order to squeeze every single penny out of any gamer so mired in moral slime he would think of buying it.
The new game follows the journey of the hero Crap-Heart who fights for the forces of good unless there’s money to be made, then screw it.
Crap-Heart’s enemy is the evil demon Diablo, who has unleashed an unholy conspiracy to give people in Hong Kong human rights even though their wonderful Chinese overlords treat them so kindly it’s impossible to imagine why they would ever need human rights.
In the final battle, Crap-heart and Diablo meet in the skies above the Great Wall and are about to come to blows when Diablo offers Crap-Heart a couple of bucks and the hero goes home, figuring, what’s the use of fighting evil if it’s just going to offend people and anyway, look how much money I made.

Blizzard says it will also team up with the NBA and NFL to create the new sports franchise Kowtow Like a B*tch, in which players kneel on one knee during the American national anthem to demonstrate their political courage in the face of absolutely no consequences and then kneel on both knees to apologize to the tyrants of Beijing, lest they lose even a single paycheck.
Hong Kong Appeaser Blizzard Announces New Video Game: ‘We Are Diablo’ [Satire] Hong Kong Appeaser Blizzard Announces New Video Game: ‘We Are Diablo’ [Satire] Reviewed by STATION GOSSIP on 05:53 Rating: 5

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.