George Plantagenet, 1st Duke of Clarence, 1478, drowned in wine. This 28 year old Duke was 'privately executed' inside the T...
George Plantagenet, 1st Duke of Clarence, 1478, drowned in wine.
This 28 year old Duke was 'privately executed' inside the Tower of London. He was found guilty of treason against his Kingly brother Edward IV. Rumour has it that instead of the usual demise for such a heinous crime, George was offered the choice of how he wished to die. The Duke elected to be drowned in a butt (between 450 - 1000 litres) of white wine.
King Alexander I of Greece, 1920. Killed by the wrong monkey.
At the King's palace, the steward of the palace grapevine owned a pet Barbary Macaque. One day the King was walking his German Shepherd and his pooch and the monkey got into a bit of a tussle. The King stepped in to separate the animals when suddenly a completely different monkey appeared and bit him in the leg and torso.
The King let things slide, thinking nothing of the wounds. His injuries became infected, he quickly developed sepsis and died.
The entire Bena Tshadi football (soccer) team, 1998, struck by a single bolt of lightning.
In 1998, Congo's eastern province of Kasai, Ben Tshadi were playing against the visiting team Basanga. At some point during the game a bolt of lighting flashed across the pitch. It killed every single one of the 11 players for Ben Tshadi. Oddly, none of the opposing team were harmed, other injuries consisting of a few light burns.
John of Bohemia, 1346, died in battle.
John of Bohemia died in the Battle of Crécy. The strangeness comes from the fact he fought that battle having been completely blind for the preceding 10 years. He ordered his mounted men to lash their horses to his so he could be guided into battle, where he died
In perhaps one of the most badass moments in history, when implored to retreat, King John exclaimed...
"Far be it that the King of Bohemia should run away! Instead, take me to the place where the noise of the battle is the loudest! The Lord will be with us. Nothing to fear. Just take good care of my son."
Marco Antonio Bragadin, 1571, jeez.
This Venetian captain was dragged around the walls of Famagusta in Cyprus (by the Ottomans) with bags of stone and soil piled on his back. He was then tied to a chair and hoisted onto the extreme end of the Turkish flaship's mast. There he was humiliated by sailors. Next he was taken to Famagusta's main square, tied up and flayed alive. His skin was stuffed with straw , clothed in Marco's military garb and placed on an Ox to parade around the town. Finally his weird skin-doll effigy was tied to the mast head of a ship, sailed to Constantinople and given as a spoil to a Sultan there.
Archduchess Mathilde of Austria, 1864, died hiding a cigarette.
In 1864, this 18 year old took a not-so-innocent trip to the theatre. She was forbidden to smoke, so was having a sneaky cigarette where her father couldn't see. Her father, though, suddenly arrived. Mathilde hurried to hide her cigarette behind her, setting her highly flammable gauze dress ablaze, covering her in 3rd degree burns.
Sir William Payne-Gallwey, 1881, killed by a Turnip.
A couple of days before this mans death on the 19th December 1881, he was out shooting in he parish of Bagby, UK. According to sources, he "fell" over onto a turnip which gave him "severe internal injuries". These injuries turned out to be fatal.
Frank Hayes, 1924, died winning a horse race.
This New York jockey had never won a race in his life. That is until one fateful day in June when Hayes suffered a cardiac arrest in the middle of a race. His horse continued with him dead on it's back, eventually winning.
Gary Hoy, 1993, died proving himself right.
Gary Hoy died after falling from the Toronto-Dominion Centre. He was demonstrating to a group of visitors that the glass lining the building was unbreakable. Gary threw himself against a window, which popped out of its frame (it didn't break), sending him tumbling 24 stories to the ground floor.
Saint Lawrence, 258CE, cooked.
This martyr died in Rome after being persecuted by Emperor Valerion. His punishment was to be cooked alive. Supposedly Lawrence laughed and joked during his painful ordeal. At one point he asked his torturers to turn him over and cook the other side as "this side is done".
Lawrence is today considered the patron saint of chefs and comedians.
Arrhichion of Phigalia, 564BCE. Killed by winning a wresting match.
In 564BCE, Arrhichion was facing off in a match of Pankration (an ancient boxing/ wrestling art form) and found himself caught in a choke-hold. He feigned weakness to turn the tables and painfully injured his opponent.
Arrhichion used the opportunity to throw the opposing wrestler (still grappling him) off his neck and onto the floor. The other wrestler quickly submitted from pain. It took a second before anyone realised Arrhichion was suddenly dead, having broken his own neck when throwing his opponent.
Atilla the Hun, 453. Drowned by a nosebleed.
On the eve of celebrating his marriage to his latest wife (named Ildico, if you were interested), Atilla got completely blind drunk. At some point his nose began to bleed and he aspirated on his own blood whilst in his drunken stupor.
Edmund II (Edmund Ironside), 1016. Stabbed in the butt.
7 months after being crowned, this Viking King needed to relieve his bowels in private. Unbeknownst to Edmund, an assassin was hiding below in the King's poopy cesspit, ready with a knife to stab him where the proverbial sun does not shine.
Dozens in Strasburg, 1518. Danced to death.
In July 1518, for no apparent reason whatsoever, a woman named Frau Troffea took to the streets of Strasburg and began a wonderful jovial dance. She danced and danced.... and danced... and danced... and continued to dance for another solid 6 days straight.
After a week she was joined by some 34 other townsfolk. After a month the dancing fever had struck nearly 400 people with as many as 15 dying per day due to exhaustion, heart attacks and strokes.
Nobody knows the cause of what is now affectionately called "the dancing plague".
João Maria de Souza, 2013. Crushed by a cow in his sleep.
Bit more modern history for this one. This unfortunate man was the victim of a raining cow. The bovine had climbed onto the roof of his home from a nearby cliff and fell through his ceiling. João was asleep in bed right below it.
The cow survived.
Qui Shi Huang, 210BCE. Killed by eternal life.
Qui Shi Huang is the emperor who kick started the Qin dynasty. You'd recognise him as the guy responsible for the terracotta soldiers. Supposedly this emperor had a desire for immortality. Alchemists in his court devised mercury pills which he thought would be an interim measure to everlasting life. They were not.
James Betts, 1667. Death by cupboard.
Elizabeth Spencer liked to be 'entertained' by a certain James Betts, much to the anger of her father. One day whilst sneakily "doing the do", her father's coach could be heard outside. Betts hid inside of a cupboard and couldn't risk being found, so he waited for her to let him back out. Betts suffocated in the process.
Elizabeth didn't actually come back for weeks. She opened the door and he flopped out as a corpse.
Grigori Rasputin, 1916. Assassinated...eventually.
Rasputin was a divisive figure, rumoured to be having an affair with the empress of Russia herself. The upper class hatched a plan to have him killed because they were scared of his growing power.
First they tried to kill him with food laced with cyanide... but it bizarrely had no effect on him. Rasputin asked the conspirators for a drink to wash the food down with. The wine he was handed was also poisoned, but he drank three glasses of it anyway.
Terrified, the conspirators resorted to just shooting Rasputin in the chest, but after a brief moment he stood back up, attacked them and fled to the courtyard of the palace. They continued to shoot at him until a bullet finally struck him in the head.
To make sure he was actually dead, the conspirators rolled up his body and dumped it into a river.
Pop Adrian IV, 1159. Killed by a fly.
Shortly before Emperor Barbarossa was to be excommunicated, this English pope is said to have choked to death on a fly which was swimming in his wine.
David Grundman, 1982. Killed by karma/ cactus retribution.
Ah David Grundman. Grundman decided to go out shooting Cacti in the desert with his roommate James. He shot a small one in the trunk a few times and it fell harmlessly to the ground. Upping his game immediately, he next chose a 100-year-old, 26 footer.
A four-foot arm fell from the cactus after he shot it a bunch of times, right on top of him.
Sigurd the Mighty, 892. Killed by a severed head.
Sigurd was Earl of Orkney. In combat he cleaved the head from a nobleman called Máel Brigte. Sigurd was dragging the head home, roped to the back of his horse, enjoying his victory. Suddenly Brigte's head bounced off the floor and swung at him. The head's buck-tooth lodged itself into Sigurd's leg, giving him a fatal infection.
Clement Vallandigham, 1871. Shot himself.
Vallandigham was a lawyer defending a murder suspect. In an attempt to demonstrate that the victim could have shot themselves accidentally and died, he shot himself accidentally and died. His client was cleared of all charges.
Arius, 336CE. Died pooping.
Arius was a controversial religious figure in the court of Constantine. When walking in a procession in 336, he felt a sudden unstoppable urge to offload his bowls. Before he could find privacy, he lost control.
After the poop came blood, after the blood came his intestines and other internal organs... right out of his butt.
Dick Wertheim, 1983. Killed by a tennis ball.
Wertheim was a tennis official presiding over a match between Stefan Edberg and Patrick McEnroe. A wayward serve struck Wertheim in his groin, causing him to jump in pain, fall from his seat, strike his head on the ground and die.
Sophocles, 406BCE. Suffocated because he wouldn't shut up.
A number of accounts deal with this particular figures death. The most surreal is that he suffocated to death whilst reading aloud the end of his play, Antigone. The ending of this play has a rather long and drawn out monologue. Sophocles didn't take a breath for the whole speech and then keeled over.
Stephen Clougherty and 21 others, 1919. Killed by a tidal wave of molasses.
In Boston MA, 1919, a tanker storing 2,300,000 US galleons of molasses ruptured, spilling its entire contents into the street. According to some, the tidal wave of sweetener was 25 feet high and travelling at 35+ mph.
King Adolf Frederick of Sweden, 1771. Ate himself to death.
Died of digestion problems after eating a colossal meal of lobster, sauerkraut, caviar, smoked herring, champagne and 14 servings of semla (a dessert) served in a bowl of hot milk.
Heraclitus, 575BCE. Died after covering himself in cow dung.
Heraclitus was a very famous philosopher in ancient Greece. At some point he developed the painful condition known as 'dropsy'. Heraclitus figured the best way to shed all the pesky fluid in his legs would be to cover himself in cow dung. He spent a day prone in the sun drying off the poop and died in the act.
Zeuxis, 5th Century BCE, died laughing.
Zeuxis was commissioned by an elderly woman to paint a figure of Aphrodite. The woman contested that she MUST model for the painting herself. Zeuxis painted her as she wished, but found the pose of the painting and its composition so hilarious he laughed himself to death.
Pyrrus of Epirus, 272BCE, dispatched by a floor tile.
Pyrrus was one of the greatest military commanders in history. He was second cousin to Alexander the great and shined as a statesman in Alexander's court. Quite unceremoniously, at a battle in Argos, Pyrrus found himself fighting with a local man. The man's mother was on a roof beside them and dropped a floor tile on Pyrrus' head, allowing her son to easily finish him off.
Hans Steininger, 1567. Killed by his beard.
Steininger had a very long beard that he tucked away. One day, during a fire, he forgot to tuck up his man fluff in panic. He then tripped on it and broke his neck.
Edit: In response to literally 1/3 of the comments below saying this isn't Steininger.... I get it.
Aeschylus, 455BCE. Killed by a falling Tortoise.
An Eagle was flying overhead with a Tortoise in its grip. It mistook Aechylus' bald head for a rock (to break open the Tortoise's shell) and dropped it on him.
Draco, 620 BCE. Suffocated by hats and coats.
Draco was an Athenian lawmaker who you'll recognise from the term "Draconian". In Athens it was a customary show of respect to cover someone in clothing...but too much of anything can be bad.
Henry Taylor, 1872. Crushed by a coffin.
Taylor was a pall bearer and was working a funeral. He slipped on a rock and stumbled into the open grave. The rest of the bearers let go of the coffin and it landed on him.
Franz Reichelt, 1912. Fell to his death.
This french inventor leapt from the Eiffel tower with a self-proclaimed "Parachute Coat". Parachute it was not...
Gareth Jones, 1958. Heart attack.
Jones was an actor. He died of a heart attack on stage. The weirdness here is that his character was scripted to die of a heart attack in the play. The play continued around him.
Bobby Leach, 1926. Killed by complications of a botched amputation, when his leg was infected due to a breakage he suffered when slipping on an Orange peel.
Yep.
Charondas, 6th Centry BCE. Suicide.
A sicilian lawgiver, Charondas had decreed that anyone carrying a knife into the political assembly must be executed. He went out hunting and forgot that he left his knife in his belt... so killed himself.
Empedocles, 430BC. Jumped into an active volcano.
This philosopher assumed himself to be a God and wanted to disprove everyone of this fact... so he decided to jump into Mount Etna.
Thomas Urquhart, 1660. Died laughing.
When Charles II took the throne, this intelligent Scottish aristocrat was so amused at the thought that he died in a fit of laughter.
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